feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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