She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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