seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
