He disabled his match.com account in front of me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
