my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
