ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
