I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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