The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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