his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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