I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
