I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
