she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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