In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
well most of my day revolves around power hour
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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