remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
