this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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