Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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