there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
