he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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