There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
