we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
