I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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