you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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