i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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