and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize