Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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