don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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