i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
