Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
