if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
