well you can't waste a boner
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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