I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
