she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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