I'm drive I can fine osifer
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
