Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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