There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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