forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
