I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
they need to just BURY HIM!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
