Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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