yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
