Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
