that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
