I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
