it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
