At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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