do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
