For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
