lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
