the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
