We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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