Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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