There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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