if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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