it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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