apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
