puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
